In an apparent effort to avoid the reality of the recent election, President trump has announced that his next business venture will be the opening of a Covid-19 vaccine store called TVS, or Trump’s Vaccine Store where he will release his version of a vaccine on Black Friday.
Sources in the White House have observed the lame duck president with squinted eyes, literally rubbing his hands together schemingly while incorrectly doing the mental math on how much profit he could make.
The President explained in a series of Tweets, “The beautiful trump juice cure will soon be available for all true Americans, if it somehow kills you, it is because deep inside you are not a true patriot. I said it would be free but since you did not show more massive support for me on November 3rd, now it’s gonna cost ya.”
He continued, “As the best and least racist medical expert I have ever known, it has become clear to me now that we have a cure for Coronavirus and people are so desperate, I can make a killing selling the new vaccine.”
Many have questioned the safety of this non FDA approved vaccine and if there is any evidence of its effectiveness. At an afternoon press briefing, trump explained the oranges… oranges… the beginnings of the trump juice creation, “Well it’s a very beautiful process, very safe, the safest really, we purchased one dose of the Pfizer vaccine and then the kid who delivers my lunch uses a well known method to make more. I believe he pours the vaccine into an empty pitcher and then adds some special trump juice made from various bodily fluids to fill the rest of the pitcher, thus making enough doses for all of the country. It’s quite amazing, very cutting edge.”
The “trump juice cure” will be available at 6am on Black Friday, however thousands of trump supporters have already started lining up in order to make sure they can get in on the deal of the year.
When asked if the administration was worried about people gathering on Black Friday, Secretary of the Treasury, Steve Mnuchin, told reporters, “There is no better sign that the economy is on track, than crowds full of poor people trampling one another for a half price air-fryer they will never use or, in this case, a shot that will never work.”
The Cyber Monday vaccine sale is on hold due to a virus.
Breaking News: While writing this article, it was announced that trump has filed for bankruptcy on his new TVS venture.
by Wil Vent