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Comedian Tim Dillon Banned from Corpus Christi TX After Disrespecting Selena

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by Wil Henneberger

(400 Word Count – 3-min. read, 30-second. skim)

What should have been a wonderful night of comedy in a quaint south Texas city, turned into the worst September 11th tragedy since… well, possibly ever.

In the above audio clip, we can hear that it started out as any other regular podcast day with Dillon, in his usual cadence -which could be described as one part Donald trump, two parts Alex Jones with a splash of Stern and just enough high-pitched punctuations to avoid being labeled as derivative- ranting about the shortcomings of the venue as well as the under-educated and overweight locals. Then… disaster struck. 

[Editor’s note: All times are references to the timecode in the ‘above media’ (a.m.) and any connection to the times of the 2001 attacks are coincidental.]

The first hit came at 8:46 a.m. After Tim’s producer Ben Something stumbled through an explanation of the events surrounding Selena’s death, it became clear that nobody on this podcast had ever seen the Selena movie, yet they dared to enter the city limits of the Queen of Tejano’s hometown. 

At this point listeners most likely thought this was an accidental slight, but at 9:03 a.m. it became clear that this horror was no unforeseen occurrence. It was an attack on everything Corpus Christinos hold dear. 

That is when the irreverent comedian slammed broadside into Selena’s story and began to try and poke holes in the official narrative of the murder.

Not long after, at 9:59 a.m. everything began to collapse when Dillon launched into a parody version of Dreaming of You with lyrics that left anyone around covered in inch-deep filth. 

Finally, at 10:28 a.m. the horrific event comes to an end when there is absolutely no respect for Selena left standing and the comic openly admits that everything he has said and done was a false flag.

Upon hearing the clip of the podcast, Corpus Christi Mayor Paulette Guajardo immediately declared that Tim Dillon was banned from ever returning to Corpus Christi, for his Selena sacrilege.

“This ban”, Guajardo explained, “is also for his own personal safety, which I can not guarantee amidst a city of proud and armed tejano fans, and if he’s smart he will leave the state altogether.” 

A spokesperson for the comedian has informed The Vent Daily that, “due to this recent incident, Tim Dillon has decided to leave Texas and return to the safety of Los Angeles where the Mexicans are all Morrissey fans.”