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Sir Thomas Sean Connery 1930 – 2020


Connery, Sean Connery… was pronounsched dead by Dr. No on October 31sht.

The actor made famous for his portrayal of James Bond or agent 007 has been downgraded to 006 feet under.

Fans all over the world were shaken, not stirred, when the news was announced.

The suave Scottish movie star was known by many as the guy they were making fun of on SNL’s Celebrity Jeopardy and who Gen Xer’s moms were imagining when she was in the tub with the door locked.

He is survived by his wife of 45 years, Ms. Micheline Roquepussy.

Aside from his mainstream success as James Bond, Connery has also been recognized for Indy projects like The Last Crusade, a gripping and emotional father-son period piece, starring Harrison Ford, that explored racial and religious tensions during the Second World War.

Dr. Jones was surprised by the death, as the actor was supposed to have eternal life after drinking from the holy grail in 1989.

In ‘89 he was also named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive and now, at 90, he has secured the honor of Death Magazine’s Sexiest Man Not Alive.

Though early on, he was labeled a misogynist, in the year 2000, after a meeting with some Queen, Connery made a transition and changed his preferred pronoun to “Sir”. Many have come to consider Mr. Connery, as an early champion of the LGBTQIA movement as he was often seen in public wearing his favorite plaid dress.

The Highlander finally lost his head to dementia. His last words were “There can be only one, and yes I finally admit the Highlander TV series was way better than the movies.”

His head was immediately separated and the quickening was donated to several local charities.

Like all Sean’s before him he died before explaining how ‘Sean’ somehow sounds like ‘Shawn’ and for that, Sir Sean Connery, you are dead to us.