I know you kids out there are used to Old Scabby parsing all your sexual quandaries but seeing as my old penis pocket is out of commission, I haven’t been feeling very sensual. I’m finding out the hard way that when you suppress your periods for years with homemade drug cocktails they all come out at once. Seems that I may be doomed to bleed for the rest of my days. Of course, my editor isn’t going to let me sit around and do nothing so here I am again with this month’s music column.
Let’s start with our old friends Reel Big Fish. Now I know that you are all waiting for me to make some kind of joke about my, you know what and the smell of fish, but I’m not going to do it. Besides, the few times I ever smelled like fish, it was because I fell off a booze cruise and washed up on the dirty-ass Corpus Christi bay front during red tide. Speaking of red tide, I’m going through a pad a minute over here.
Where was I… oh, ‘Life Sucks…Let’s Dance!’, the band’s first new studio LP in 6 years hit the interweb on Dec. 21st and they kick off their tour this month. They’ll be in San Antonio on January 29th. Dallas 1/30 and Lovecock, I mean Lubbock 1/31. Joining the enduring OC Ska/punk pranksters are special guests Mest and Bikini Trill.
I’ve heard the new album and it’s exactly what this skank needed to really get her skank on. Plenty of horniness and an all around fun time. I’ve seen the band on their last tour through Corpus but I’ll be in the crowd at the SA show. So look for me, I’ll be the one dancing in the puddle of menstrual fluid. Kill me please.
While we are on the subject of flow, a quick note about PH4DE.
The Texas based artist has inked a deal with InVogue Records. If you are into that rap game then check out the new single “Don’t Say Much” featuring Kap G. PH4DE was born & raised on government assistance in Jacksonville, TX. The Romani artist began recording music in his bedroom at 13 years old. PH4DE’s sound has been characterized as “Eminem level lyricism meets Drake’s melody over Travis Scott production.” He is transcending the barrier of both lyrical and melodic hip-hop by combining raw emotion over ever-changing cadences and rhythms, while achieving notoriety through garnishing love from his local music community.
For 2019, PH4DE is planning to release a series of singles leading up to a brand new EP.
Let me tell you about a little project called Radar State. Now, old Scabby has been pregnant a lot but sadly I never had any kids. Read into that what you will… Once upon a time in the late 90’s and early oughts I had something better than my own kids, I had The Get Up Kids. Yes I am speaking literally. At Emo’s in Austin I gave them all something to write home about – HSV-1&2. If you’re a fan, then you surely already know about this follow up project and their 2017 EP. If you aren’t yet a fan, then you are way late to the Matt Pryor/ Jim Suptic party, but don’t worry because the Radar State shindig is just getting going. (and BTW, if you readers are keeping up with the menstrual B-plot of this column, I have switched from pads and resorted to using old socks to help stop the bleeding long enough to stay conscious and finish this piece before my deadline or possible death.)
I digress, Radar State’s debut full-length ‘Strays’ will be out on January 11th, Via Wiretape Records. Their sound is like my right tit, a little bit indie rock and a little bit of traditional rock and roll like my left boob with a little something more, not unlike my half-formed third nipple.
Aside from The Get Up Kids alumni Radar State also brings the talent of Josh Berwanger of The Anniversary, as well as The Architects’ Adam Phillips. The band has announced tour dates in support of the upcoming album. Sorry, no Texas shows as of yet.
Breaking News: The bleeding has finally stopped. This may actually mean that I am out of blood, but don’t worry about me, there are enough parasites in my body to keep my shell fully operational long enough to finish writing and get to a hospital.
More Breaking News: Tame Impala aka Kevin Parker has been announced as a headliner for this year’s Coachella Festival, Saturday April 13 and Saturday April 20.
Hailing from Perth, Australia, he first toured the U.S. in 2010, playing small clubs for crowds of 200- I’ve had bigger gangbangs. A handful of trips to the U.S. later and thanks to the ravenous demand of fans for the band’s transcendent live performance, Tame Impala has gone on to headline festivals and theaters around the world. If you are headed to Coachella this year, how about you let Scabs stowaway in the trunk or if the trunk is full, I’ll just squeeze in under the hood. I really want to go, dude.
Some quick mentions before the ambulance gets here…
The pop-sounding punk/ska outfit Wank is back with a new album after several side projects and a stinking fight with cancer by front man Bobby Amodeo. They’ve even added to the family, the likes of guitarist Higgins X-13, formerly of the Offspring. Look for their new album White Knuckle Ride. Dang, I could have made so many jokes about wanking…
Finally, a special shout out to Middle Kids. Maybe you caught this trio from Sydney recently on The Late Late Show with James Corden. If not they are very mush worth a listen. They are already working on new music for 2019 and judging on the strength of their recent single “Salt Eyes” the best is yet to come.
We made it kids… I can’t stand up, so the paramedics are trying to break down the door, which to be honest is my favorite part. It makes me feel like someone actually cares. The funny part is that as I’m fading out Reel Big Fish is providing the soundtrack… Life Sucks… so… le…