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Scabby on Water Park Etiquette


You haters will be glad to know that even before the official opening of the Hurricane Alley Water Park, I have already been banned for the rest of my life (which if god has any mercy wont be very long).

What can I say, a girl needs a bath once in a while, and if I wasn’t supposed to use the place for that why did they only put 8 ft. fences around the property… you know Scabby can climb.

My personal rule of thumb is to take a true bath every 14 days or 140 john’s, which ever comes first. That’s not to be confused with my work rule of thumb which is that if anyone’s thumb is going anywhere its gonna cost extra.

Rest assured since my break in, the place has been as sanitized as the needles those nice volunteers bring me every Thursday.

But as a warning to those of you who plan on visiting the park this summer here are a couple more things to remember.

Wear a proper bathing suit: While a discarded plastic bag can be used for many things: a condom, suitcase, weapon… It should never be used as a swimsuit, it simply won’t hold up in the fast currents.

Most importantly, Always wear plenty of sun screen, I’ve always been a stickler when it comes to rubbing that cream all over my skin, and I think I look pretty good for a gal who just turned 108. Sun screen can be expensive so if you’re in a fix I have a few ideas, unfortunately it seems I’m all out of column inches… thank god that never happens at my other job.

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