Well, its that time again… Bones aching; starting to see a heavier flow drizzle down; everyone around seems to be looking for an evacuation route. No, not my period. Sure I bleed plenty, but I haven’t had a period in ages. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I ever had one. I got pregnant as an early teen and stayed pregnant for a couple of decades and after that things just didn’t work like they should.
Anyway, I’m talking about hurricane season you bunch of crack babies, and I’m here to give you some tips to survive and maybe even enjoy yourself when you catch that sexy hurricane fever. Basically you can apply the same rules I use in my everyday life.
USE YOUR HOLES
For some of us working girls, the sounds of sirens are a huge trigger. It’s important to use your ear holes and know the difference between police and emergency sirens. Here is a trick to remember: a cop siren sounds like a hungry baby, fast and high pitched, while a storm siren sounds more like a dropped baby, way slower and faded.
USE YOUR HANDS
If one of your girls or johns starts to panic for any reason, it is perfectly acceptable to slap someone who needs it during a hurricane or just on any old day. If this doesn’t work, try choking.
Nobody likes to do something they hate all day long. Try to find a way to enjoy yourself.
Personally, in a hurricane, I like a nice storm surge, saves me the trouble of having my monthly bath, and if that burst of water hits you at the right angle you just might have to leave a little something on the nightstand afterwards. Yes the salt water stings the open wounds, but in the end it’s healing.
ANAL IS OKAY
Be thorough when cleaning up. Debris such as loose dildos, vibrators, cucumbers and frozen bananas left scattered about can become flying missiles in a hurricane. You don’t want to be pelted unless you are getting paid for it, am I right… Just pretend like CPS is coming for a home visit and find somewhere to stick all that stuff.
There you have it, everything you need to know about getting off, I mean getting through a hurricane. If you need any more information let me know and I’ll ask my good friend Bill Vessey at our next appointment.