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Salsa Vaccine will Save Corpus Christi

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by Wil Vent

The same experts at Taqueria Jalisco Laboratories who invented the Jalisco Burrito have discovered a way to bond the Covid-19 vaccine with their proprietary salsa recipe. The standard vaccines will be available in south Texas very soon and some officials are worried that it will be met with resistance due to rampant conspiracy theories, political propaganda, and general Corpus Christi level stupidity.

This news is a great leap forward from last month’s Boat ’n Net tartar sauce vaccine trials which resulted in multiple deaths, though not more than their pre-covid mortality rate.

With so much skepticism regarding the forthcoming Covid-19 vaccine, governments, local and national, have been seeking clever ways to encourage the fat, stupid public to take part in vaccination efforts. In an early morning press conference at a local taqueria, County Commissioner Barbara Canalas told reporters that the situation was under control, and that she believed this solution was perfect for the people of Corpus Christi, especially those in high-risk categories. 

“It took some creative, out of the syringe, thinking,” Canales said, “but we have figured out the very best method for distributing and delivering the vaccine to the entire population of Nueces County and even the surrounding counties. If this didn’t work, plan B would have been free Golden Corral coupons when you get a vaccine, and that would have destroyed our county budget.

Nueces County Public Health Director Annette Rodriguez then explained that, thanks to their discovery and the fact that they have multiple locations throughout south Texas, Taqueria Jalisco will be the main distributor for the Salsa-19 vaccine. She warned citizens to beware of bogus vaccine salsa being sold on the street tacos.