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Letters to the Editor (May 2019)

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Dear Mexicans,

I hope this message reaches you in time.

IF YOU ARE THINKING OF GOING ON THE SELENA QUINTANILLA INSPIRED CRUISE IN 2020 … DON’T.

IT’S A TRAP.

I can’t tell you who I am, but just know I am VERY connected to the pulse of this community and I have strong reason to believe they are hoping all the Mexican Selena fans are on-board so they can send all of you to Mexico!! I did a little research and the company who is putting on this cruise, is actually the SAME company who tried to do this before on a Ricky Martin inspired cruise in 1999. If they find out I am writing this letter, I will most definitely be put to death. 

Take care,

— N.M.


Hey Vent Magazine,

My name is Gabriel, and I actually am thinking about moving to Corpus Christi. I just got into town; I am visiting on business. Selena is from here, so I assumed the city would be rich with Hispanic culture… but I’m afraid I’m making an awful mistake. I got y’alls email from a friend because when I Goggled “Corpus Christi magazines” the only thing that came up was a magazine called The Bend??? I picked up a copy at a local downtown coffee shop and after flipping through it; I have a lot of questions about CC:

1: Are there any Mexicans or middle class people here? Just curious because I don’t think I saw one Hispanic person in The Bend. Kinda looked like it was all just rich cosmetic surgeons, lawyers, and real estate agents. WHERE ARE ALL THE MIDDLE CLASS MINORITY BUSINESS OWNERS???

2: Is there anywhere I can get an authentic Mexican Breakfast taco? Or a good Chinese Buffet???

Based on what I read, it just sounds like the only good places to eat here are pricey coffee shops or high-end brunch spots? No offense, but $8 for a bottle of charcoal juice seems a little steep, and if I wanted my street tacos to be infused with cranberry and raw almonds, I’d just eat a chicken salad sandwich.

3: Are there any affordable places to live here? I don’t make a lot of money and I don’t think I can afford to live in any of these mid-90s Island homes, I see in The Bend, with full coastal interior decor.

I was really hoping this place would be a nice cozy place to grow old and get fat, but after reading this, I think this town might be too hip for me after all.

Thanks in advance,

Gabe


Hey, Wil,

We noticed that you left the South Texas Politics Facebook group. What happened, you libtard communist cuck? Did you get tired of realizing how wrong you were to disrespect our President? Don’t tell me… You ate some mushrooms and then decided that it was silly to be arguing so much with total strangers who also happened to be dumb trump cunts. Whatever! (insert meme that reflects my opinion whilst pointing out how Killary is the worst).

Anyway, the truth is, we miss you. You were the only one who could call Luis a dumb pile of flesh trash and really make him feel it. I think that all of us on both sides can agree, that dude was and still is the human equivalent of that plastic garbage island in the ocean and he should definitely kill himself in the most brutal way possible.

Love,

A bunch of stupid twats on Facebook

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