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Kirk Douglas 1916-2020

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Kirk Douglas, born, some immigrant name not nearly as cool, has died at the age of 103.

He was the star of numerous movies that your parents or grandparents enjoyed at the picture show.

His accomplishments include three Oscar nomination, an Oscar Lifetime Achievement Award, the Presidential Gold Medal, and having a son that got to bang Katherine Zeta Jones.

He was well-liked, but his friends did say that he wasn’t half the man he used to be before his stroke, and for the past decade he literally thought he was Spartacus.

Doctors say that he died from just hearing about the coronavirus on the radio.

He is survived by 3 out of 4 sons including Michael Douglas who is known for his roles on Wall Street, Ant-Man, and for eating dangerous amounts of putang.

According to a statement made by his family, Kirk also suffered from hypertension from never getting over the fact that his son Michael would actually go down on a woman.

His last words were “Rock Hudson was a G****** F*****!”

Issur Danielovitch you are dead to us.