with Jay Whitecotton
Last night I found myself typing: ‘If James Gunn had just fucked a child ten years ago instead of tweeting jokes about it, he’d be well qualified to direct a Disney film.’ – and had to pause a moment. Not for any concern for backlash or endangering some future career, I don’t have, but to consider why I’m kinda worked up about this stupid blip of a non-news story.
I guess it’s for many reasons. One – I love those Guardians movies. It’s stupid and just films, but I found the idea of flawed characters overcoming their backgrounds to do better was something important and worthwhile. Also – raccoons. I fucking love raccoons. Then there’s the underlying issue of fatherhood. That line “He may have been your father boy, but he wasn’t your daddy!” hits home to me because I didn’t really have either.
The reason I have to back off is because over the past year or two I’ve come to the conclusion that people (and Americans almost exclusively), have reached co-dependent levels of entitlement when it comes to something as artificial and inane as movies and television. We demand so much more from these mediums than we do our actual real lives. Yes, the political landscape of today is a dystopian nightmare akin to the trench warfare days of WW1 era Verdun – but the passion people have over a Trump tweet eliciting possible nuclear war – pales in comparison to the fury generated from leaving a tense space chase to chill on a casino planet as a plot device.
I’m not saying these mediums shouldn’t be challenged. Giving black filmmakers (other than Tyler Perry) an actual blockbuster budget instead of the six-pack and Lane Bryant gift card has clearly proven that diversity is both wanted and profitable. And speaking out against the intestinal worm of production that is Harvey Weinstein and his ilk has created the kind of conversation and awareness necessary for women to hold their own in an industry dominated by creeps and exploitation. But actors and movies does not a reality make. What we demand from our entertainment should not take precedence over what we should demand from our own lives.
It’s almost like we’ve moved beyond the show. The real entertainment is what’s behind the scenes more than the actual product. “And the Oscar goes to… TMZ!”
We used to watch films like Rocky and be inspired by a fictional character overcoming all odds to win on his own terms. That even in defeat, there’s victory in following through with everything you have. Now people watch the drama behind the filmmaking regardless of whether or not the final product is good. We are rooting for crotch grabbing Kevin Spacey to lose his job so the talents of Robin Wright can take the lead role in House of Cards. That’ll make up for Trump stealing the election from Hillary! Never mind the fact that her character is a murderer with the emotional range of white noise.
We fume as beloved Mega-MAGA Roseanne is fired for innocently referring to a black woman as an ape. “But Roseanne’s not racist?! She swears, she thought she was insulting a kike!” Public discourse has turned into children fighting in the back seat of the car during a long road trip while the powers that be threaten to turn off the TV installed in the backseats because god forbid their fat stupid kids look out a window and contemplate their existence.
“But HE said blah blah blah!”
“But SHE said blah blah blah!”
“Shut up the both of you – or we’re turning this country around and going back to the days of 9/11!”
So this all said, I should probably just chill on the James Gunn thing – at least superficially, right? I mean, the dude is a millionaire and will work again.
But the problem is so much more widespread than just this. For some reason, every time some amateur tweets something stupid and calls it a “joke”, every actual comedian gets thrown out with the bath water. James Gunn isn’t a comedian. He’s a filmmaker.
Now idiots are scouring every minor celebrity’s twitter history looking for blog content to over sensationalize and profit. Fans of rival sports teams are currently sifting through years of old tweets trying to use them to stir up controversy and psyche out opposing team’s star athletes. What? Are you telling me that the jock Milwaukee Brewers’ pitcher had some problematic thoughts when he was 15?!
Does this need to be a story? Do we really need to emotionally invest, becoming a rabid horde of personal at-home paparazzi? This can only evolve towards one direction:
🎶 What made Milwaukee famous, killed Princess Diana 🎶
Jokes. JOKES. Good or badly constructed. From professional to amateur. They’re just fucking words. If you don’t like someone’s humor or point of view, why the fuck are you clicking “follow” on Twitter. That’s on you stupid. You made that choice. I know this is just the millennial version of ‘don’t like it, flip the station’ but here we are.
I didn’t have to know this James Gunn twitter jokes story, but y’all gossipy bitches shared it MAKING ME AWARE OF CHILD FUCKING. Gross ass monsters that you are. All that said. Between James Gunn’s tweets and The Disney Channels thirty years of exploiting children in film, TV, and music – who do you think has actually fucked children? Seriously, can you look at the husk of human flesh, pills, and semen we call Lyndsay Lohan and think Disney didn’t have a hand in that creation?
Disney is America’s creepy uncle. Showing up to diddle and sexualize the youth under the guise of wholesome values and thoughtless bubblegum nonsense.
And like any touchy uncle, the second you get a little hair and some maturity, they cast you off for something younger, innocent and delicious. Or are y’all really dying to hear new Joe Jonas albums? Disney is a monster that has gotten too big and too unaccountable and now society has to deal with the emotional public breakdowns of a Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Shia Lebouff and a long police lineup of other mouskateers.
🎶 M, I, C…… K, E, Y… Most have several D U I’s 🎶
Who here should be held more accountable? James Gunn can’t direct Guardians 3, but Disney can continue to profit off movies like Powder? (directed by a child molester)
James Gunn’s tasteless jokes from a decade ago warrant losing his job, but Walt Disney can profit in the billions while circumventing tax and land laws, replacing American workers with cheap foreigners, or subliminally animating dicks, tits, and racism in their films? Janes Gunn’s real crime was not being as subtle as Disney’s Song of the South.
Here’s an idea! Why don’t you unfreeze the corpse of Walt Disney and watch him freak out over how “You let that fucking Jew direct The Force Awakens?!” I’m sure he’d personally love the Gay and Lesbian themed days at the parks he built as the prototype for the ideal, fascist, union-busting utopia he hoped America would one day become.
Look – I get it. Walt Disney is our childhood. It’s the second biggest corporation in the world and currently holds the sole copyright on our collective imagination. Why would we hold them accountable now and risk facing all the boring and shitty things that permeate reality? What has reality ever done for us? Life is just a series of distractions until we die, why not let the Mouse dictate what is good art and let that replace reality?
“Reality may have been your father boy, but he wasn’t your daddy.” – Walt
None of this changes anything. Our priorities will continue to be shit – and because of this slavish attempt to have the most correct and performative online presence – we’ve exhausted ourselves from the changes we very much need in our own surroundings. We’re all content creators on an endless medium and there’s no hot take so bad that it doesn’t at least warrant a pop-up ad.
We’re a nation of snitches, snitchin’ on stitches. And the fact that this may just be another heap on the ‘shitting on Disney’ pile is not lost on me at all, but fuck it, what do I care? I grew up on Loony Tunes.