First and foremost let me say, “FINALLY!” I am finally free to express my voice in a manner that escapes the crude and disgusting imagery I have, until now, been forced to write. You can consider the profane play on words in the title of this article as my last wicked double-entendre. No more call backs to my days as a lady of the night. From now on you can expect only the loveliest prose and if you’re lucky a verse of poetry now and again.
After years of being under… I mean, working as a subordinate for Will Vent, it is now my time to shine. I can stretch myself…, um I mean, I’m free to reach in to the deepest parts of my… NO. A new day has arrived and now the artist that is inside me… Wait… the artist… My true artistic self can be revealed.
It’s so hard, DAMMIT! I mean, it hasn’t been easy to hide what I have inside me… YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. It hasn’t been easy to play the role I have always played. Even a true poet like myself must sometimes sacrifice when it comes to her art. Patience truly is a virtue, much like being able to deep-throat a nine inch c… AHHHHH!.
Okay, so… obviously it is going to take a little bit of time to get off, I mean, out of my former habits. I hope you will bear with me on this journey, as I shed the old scabs to find what I have underneath.
In this issue, enjoy the national satire of our good friend Citizen Schwartz. I look forward to a pleasurable experience over the next 6-12 months. The great Will Vent will be back to writing for next issue, and ultimately, when he graduates iPhone rehab he will be back at the helm, but until then you can plan on seeing The Vent on time from now on and you can plan on seeing a lot more of my face around here. So get used to it. Seriously, I know it takes some getting used to.