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First Coronavirus Patient in Corpus Actually Just Has Herpes


Corpus Christi, TX – The Staff at Christus Spohn Shoreline was put on alert Monday after a middle-aged man showed up claiming he had the coronavirus.

According to witnesses, the man, identified as 44-year-old nightclub owner, Ali Abraham was very distressed and possibly drunk. He was shouting incoherently about the coronavirus.

Abraham and the surrounding patients were immediately quarantined and examined. Fortunately, his symptoms did not line up with those for the coronavirus. Unfortunately, the bumps, sores, and warts near the mouth, anus, and penis, the yellowing of the skin, and discharge from the penis, along with swelling and redness indicated at least half a dozen Sexually Transmitted Infections.

One senior nurse said, “This was the worst case of multiple STI’s I have ever seen in 22 years of nursing. I actually wish he did have the corona virus, at least that might ultimately put him out of his misery. As of now he is just going to have to live life with his mangled, bright red genitalia covered in warts and open sores. Part of me wishes that the damn coronavirus would take me, so I would never have to picture that ground beef ever again.”

Abraham continued to insist that he has never had an STI and that this had to be the Coronavirus, even after a second opinion from the top physician on call and a third, fourth, and fifth opinion from several nurses. 

Once he came to terms with the truth of the matter he made several attempts to convince hospital employees to call his wife and tell her that it was the coronavirus and that he never cheated and would never cheat on her, but that just in case, she and her sister should both get to a clinic and be tested for the coronavirus right away. Ironically the cause of the STIs was too many Coronas.