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Dear Liberal Crackpot,

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I know you’ve got a gun control boner right now, what with the recent shooting and the one before that, and the one before that. Well, I am here to tell you that my 30-round magazine gives me a bigger harder boner than you could ever have. Sometimes I just press that cold metal right against my scrotum, and imagine a world where my arms are made of guns and the laws says I can shoot at anyone who watches The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
Thanks for listening,
Eric V. Wade

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