Over the past month Colorado has seen a 420% increase in real estate sales, and experts on the matter seem stumped. People are traveling from anywhere and everywhere, to take up residency in The Centennial State.
Numbers aren’t just up when it comes to sales of homes, but at last report, there are no longer any rental vacancies in any city across the state, and all hotels are fully booked for the foreseeable future.
Mary Jane, Director of the Colorado Visitors Bureau, believes she has the answer. “It has to be the grass, man, all that beautiful lush greenery. Colorado has some of the best outdoor recreation in the country. Sure it gets kind of sticky sometimes, but that’s a small price to pay for even an ounce of what Colorado has to offer.” Jane continued, “ There has been an unusual amount of fog since the new year rolled around, but I’m sure that’ll clear up soon, and then you’ll be able to see the gorgeous Rocky Mountain landscape. Do you wanna get some tacos?”
Comedian and new Colorado homeowner, Doug Benson, tried to comment on his recent move, however after 14 minutes of silence, was only able to say, “What do you mean new state, I’m always in this state…”
While everyone has a different opinion on exactly what has brought this migration to Colorado, statisticians at the capitol are comparing data and doing their best to make sense of what appear to be random connections. Spending has dramatically increased at all fast-food restaurants and oddly enough apple and even Bible sales are also through the roof, yet everywhere you turn barbershops and gyms are going out of business.
“As a mathematician, I have to say this is incredible,” whispered Dr. Robert Marley, of the Wailer Research Institute, “Never in my life have I heard of such a wide range of statistical anomalies… …why are we whispering?”
Also in the ‘Mile-High City’ at a ceremony to welcome new residents Governor Hickenlooper addressed over 10,000 new Coloradans.
“I welcome all of you and thank you for choosing our wonderful state for your new home.” After a few coughs, Hickenlooper continued, “I’ve been a Coloradan for a long time now, but I’m still not used to being this high all the time. Thank you all for being high with me. Now lets get some f***ing breakfast tacos!”