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Young Activist Puts Local Magazine in Its Place

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Activist Greta Thunberg, 16, addressed the Vent Magazine in Corpus Christi on Monday. Here’s the full transcript of Thunberg’s speech, beginning with her response to a question about the message she has for The Vent.

“My message is that we’ll be watching you.”

“This is all wrong. This shouldn’t be in print. I should be able to read this on an iPad. Yet you are killing trees for what… fart jokes?. How dare you!

“You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your terrible puns. And yet I’m one of the lucky ones. Your readers are suffering. People are dying. Entire forests are collapsing. We are in the beginning of a mass extinction of intelligence, and all you can talk about is adding more pages and fairy tales of increasing advertising revenue. How dare you!

“For more than 12 years, your idiocy has been crystal clear. How dare you continue to make stupid jokes and come here saying that it’s high-brow satire, when the editing and gramatical integrity needed are still nowhere in sight.

“You say you hear us and that you understand the urgency. But no matter how timely you try to be, you only publish once a month. If you really understood the situation and still kept on failing to act, then you would be truly stupid. And that I am beginning to believe.

“The popular idea of satirizing the news has been done by so many other outlets and in so many better ways. On a good month only 50% of your content is even tolerable, and the risk of laughing while reading this is so low it doesn’t even register.

“So a 50% rate is simply not acceptable to us — we who have to read the consequences.

“To have a 67% chance of laughing once while reading the Vent – the best odds given by the [Intergovernmental Panel on Fake Magazines] – you would have to put in at least 420 gigatons of effort – if you know what I mean. Today that figure is already down to less than 350 gigatons. 

“How dare you pretend that this can be solved with just ‘business as usual’ and some technical solutions. With today’s lack of interest in the written word The Vent will be entirely gone within less than 8 1/2 years.

“There will not be any solutions or plans presented in line with these figures here today, because these numbers are too uncomfortable. And you are still not mature enough to stop making 69 jokes.

“You are failing us. But the young people are starting to understand your betrayal. The eyes of all future generations are upon you. And if you choose to fail us, I say: We will never forgive you.

“We will not let you get away with this. Right here, right now is where we draw the line. The world is waking up. And change is coming, whether you like it or not.

“Thank you.”

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