Burger Chain Launches New Dress Code for Customers

After recent local events resulting in at least one death, the Whatburger Corporation, is taking a swift and strict approach to increasing security on their more than 30 local sites.

During a live interview on KIII News Tom Dobson, CEO of What-A-Burger said.  “Because Corpus Christi has shown so much consistency in holding tight to its, for lack of a better word, ghetto roots, and because those roots have proven over and over to put good citizens in danger… this decision has been a long time coming… and as of June 1st, 2013 all What-A-Burger Restaurants in Corpus Christi will put a dress code into effect.”

The burger chain has already taken a hit after they downgraded from Fancy to Regular Ketchup, and many experts suspect that such an alienating decree will be the end of the company altogether.

Most of the public opinion against the dress code has been broken and inarticulate, while those in support of the new rules are reluctant to leave their homes without the okay from their physician.

“This is total bull***t man,” said Anthony Juarez, “Just because, you know, they want to be judgmentally against me based on what is my choice of apparel.. you know. That ain’t right, to be all like, ‘we is better than you cause we got on our church clothes and you punk b*tches can all just go to a Jack in the crack.”

While the Dress code has not yet been officially released, we were able to obtain a copy from a member of the What-A-Burger Board of Directors.

It states,

“All men entering a What-A-Burger or on What-A-Burger property at anytime, will wear slacks and long-sleeved shirts tucked in with an accompanying jacket or blazer. All jackets must have either a cross or American Flag pin on the lapel.

Women WILL have their Collar Bones, elbows, legs and knees covered. If a woman is of the age to release her ‘not-so-fancy Ketchup’, her hair will be covered too by a scarf or a hat.

And for god’s sake, on Sundays and federal holidays, men will wear hats, because that’s how it should be!”

In the midst of this What-A-Burger catastrophe, Dairy Queen’s public Relations Department has been operating at full force to assure the people of Corpus Christi that all citizens, no matter how dirty, barefoot or shirtless they are, they will always have a place in their restaurant.

We had the opportunity to interview one What-A-Burger employee to find out what she thought of the new policy.

How is the dress code affecting business?

“THERE’S NO DRESSING ON THE BISCUITS, IT’S GRAVY.

No, I said, what changes have you seen since the new rules have been in place?

WE HAVE AMERICAN OR SHREDDED CHEDDAR.

Do you feel safer as an employee?

YES MAAM, MUSTARD ON A DOUBLE MEAT.

I’m not a maam! I’m a sir… Do you have any comment on the murder?

YEAH THAT S*** WAS MESSED UP YO. PLEASE DRIVE TO THE WINDOW MAAM.

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