Wake Up and Scoot

by Wil Vent

A lot of people who have known me for years tend to think that I don’t like Corpus Christi. Sure I’ve spent over a decade making fun of our small-town-city and the sometimes small-minded people that inhabit the area, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like my city. After all, anything is a step up from Kingsville, TX. When I think of Corpus Christi I think of her like a gay son in a religious family. Technically, as a father I have to love him, but I’m still gonna do my best to fix any problems. Yes, I am going to stick with this somewhat offensive metaphor…

The latest issue to rear its limp little wrist in our city has been the invasion of scooters. All this time you were worried about the Caravan heading to our southern border and you forgot to tear gas the scooters that were coming from all other directions.  Now it seems that our Council may regulate the scooter companies right out of town.

City Council and Mr. Mayor, I ask… Who the hell do you people think you are? Do you think you know better than the leaders in bigger and better cities with working roads and less debt? Why do companies like Uber have to get legislation passed on a statewide level to keep backwards local leaders from interfering with progress? What makes you feel like Corpus is so special that business that have achieved huge success should alter their ways at the behest of some grumpy old farts in a drowning city.

Yes I know South Park did an episode all about this already… but unlike Trey Parker and Matt Stone (who for a long time were actually a couple of my idols) I actually had something important to say.

The bottom line is that a lot of people want to see Corpus Christi turn into something more like Austin with a thriving music and comedy scene… maybe a festival every couple of weeks, fine, months. How about better quality of life? Or a higher average income? These are all things that will never happen as long as our people and our leaders keep spouting stupidity at progress and nit-picking Corpus back into the Stone Age. If you just want to be old and wait for death, maybe you should move to Kingsville.

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