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Trump Lowers Taxes on Sex Scandal Payoffs

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by William Henneberger

In order to make up for Trump’s widely hated steel tariff debacle, the president has decided to bring down taxes on any monies used to make payoffs to women involved in sexual scandals of any kind.

“Your first three sex scandals are tax-free, people,” Trump gloated at a White House press conference. “This is going to save congress tons of taxpayer dollars.”

A particular provision in this executive order even makes it clear that this tax exemption is ‘per scandal’ not per payoff, meaning that a congressman could theoretically have three separate orgies resulting in numerous payoffs without having to pay any taxes until their fourth orgy.

Blake Farenthold, disgraced Congressman for the 27th District in Texas, released a statement saying he was; “very dismayed by this executive order and plans to filibuster congress until he is granted a Tax Credit for every scandal in which he was required to pay off a victim of his disgusting advances. We can do more for initiators of sexual harassment.” This seemed to garner some approval from both sides of the aisle.

Trump later tweeted that he wanted to make sure everyone knew that this order; “…does not include any homo stuff!”

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