WASINGTON D.C. – Last week, shortly before leaving for Asia, President Trump addressed a group of his supporters and delivered a well-received message. He told constituents that on November 24th, 2017, the day after Thanksgiving, history will be made as the first ever White Friday takes place. He went on to say that millions of oppressed Caucasians could finally take to the streets before the sun rises, in order to be a part of this momentous occasion of huge savings.
Racist experts say that with this new ‘White Friday’, people can expect more organized lines, little to no trampling, and an overall politeness never seen during a ‘Black Friday’. They are also predicting ‘White Friday’ consumer spending to be upwards of 900-billion dollars, up from last year’s ‘Black Friday’ spending of $85.
“What you’re going to see”, says one White Nationalist financial reporter, “is a lot more spending on higher-end electronics, game systems, etc. Not like the last few ‘Black Fridays’ where consumers purchased mostly stocking stuffers and pre-paid phones.
Some proponents of the original ‘Black Friday’ have already demonstrated their anger toward the new ‘White Friday’, and even threatened to institute a ‘Black Panther Friday’ on everyone’s asses.
“This is a day, I never thought I would see,” declared, Kenneth Wordsworth, a proud White House janitor who was emptying a nearby wastebasket as the president spoke to real people, “It’s just good to finally see some change. White buys matter too, you know! And I hear that Wal-Mart is gonna have a great deal on sheets.”