The Spring Invasion:

Motionless in White, Atreyu & Wilson – Brewster Street Icehouse – 4/18

by Joey Kahn

The Spring Invasion Tour, which seems fitting since we here in South Texas are still waiting for Spring to invade. I hope for the sake of all the members in these bands, that it warms up enough for us to see the outline of their bulge in what will definitely be a plethora of tight pants, but enough about fashion and bulges… The tour just kicked off and finds its way to Corpus Christi on the 18th at the wonderful Brewster Street Icehouse. If ever there were a band from my youth, that I’d be surprised to hear is still around, that would be Atreyu. I hope that I’m not the only one who can’t help but yell “FALCOR!” immediately after hearing the name “Atreyu.” Which in turn makes me sad, because I can only think about the scene with the horse. The one where you cry as hard as you will now that you know the nostalgia of your youth, in band form, is coming around to your neck of the woods. If you haven’t seen The NeverEnding Story, then shame on you. 

Atreyu formed in 1998 – holy hell – when I was 9 years old. They went on to release some bangers that found their way at the billboard top 200 on multiple occasions. They even garnered a gold certification from the RIAA. To be honest, I never actually heard them until around middle school, but I was so anti-social as a kid, my musical tastes never branched out past what my parents listened to on the radio. So while girls and boys were clamoring over hit songs like “Suicide Notes” and “Butterfly Kisses” little old me was hoping no one could hear the Dixie Chicks blaring in the car as I was being dropped off. I was a sad kid, but not as sad as I would be breaking up with my ex girlfriend who was a huge fan of Motionless in White, another spring invader.

If Marilyn Manson was somehow comprised of a thousand little Marilyn Mansons who came together like some sort of H.P Lovecraftian, flesh-Voltron, Motionless in White would be the ones who rebelled to form a Megazord to defeat the music industries Repulsa, and claim themselves a new generation of Power Rangers in the industrial/metal scene. Just bear with these analogies for a moment.  My ex used to listen to MiW habitually, and on occasion would do the horizontal tango with me to a few of their songs. Julia, if you’re reading this, please come back. I still have the butt plug you used to… well, you know. I remember how beautifully motionless in red you looked, sleeping in that nice lingerie. Oh my god, please take me back Julia! 

Last, but not least, this invasion of panties and spring includes a band I was actually not familiar with. I checked them out and to my surprise found a band that doesn’t really seem to take themselves too seriously. I can completely relate to that, which is probably why Julia left me. They kind of remind me of early Kid Rock, back when he just made laughable music videos with catchphrases that made no sense, but damn were they fun to say. “Wilson”, unfortunately is not a band fronted by the volleyball from Cast Away – because doesn’t that sound bonkers? I’m bringing “bonkers” back because that’s literally what this tour is going to be. With catchy songs like, Dumpster and Like A Baller, these guys are sure to make a mark. So if you’re down for some nostalgia, or just want to keep other people in the crowd from bumping into your girlfriend, be sure to check out all this bonkermania. Oh, and Julia, if you’re reading this, I’ll be there, and I got a ticket for you. I’ll be the poor sap at the bar clinging to a Blue Hawaiian, filling out an application for a security position. It’s gonna be bonkers.

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