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Six Tips About Storm SURGEs:

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1. SURGE flooding is often the greatest threat to life and property from a hurricane. It poses a significant threat for drowning. So use empty SURGE cans and NEW 20oz. BOTTLES as safety floatation devices. WE GOT YOU!  

A mere six inches (AVERAGE SURGE CAN SIZE) of fast-moving flood water can knock over an adult who isn’t hopped up on SURGE. It only takes two feet of rushing water to carry away most vehicles. And it only takes two cases of SURGE to give you the strength to put your car on the roof of your house. WINNING!!

2. SURGE can cause water levels to rise quickly and flood large areas in just minutes, and you could be left with no time to take action if you haven’t already evacuated as instructed.

UNLESS… you can chug a sixer of SURGE in under 90 seconds and give yourself the super speed you need to SURGE faster than the SURGE. PARADOXICAL! 

3. SURGE is not dependent on Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Wind Scale. THAT”S RIGHT YOU NERDS! Hurricane Categories are based only on winds and do not account for storm SURGE. All wind category can cause life-threatening storm SURGE. THE SURGE CAN HIT YOU EVEN WHEN YOU”RE GETTING BLOWN! SCIENCE!

4. Many Gulf Coast areas are vulnerable to SURGE including areas many miles inland from the coastline depending on the elevation of the coastal plain. YOU CAN’T ESCAPE THE SURGE, GEEKS!  Find out today if you live in an evacuation zone OR GET SURGED RIGHT UP YOUR DUMB BUTT!

5. SURGE can occur before, during and after the center of the storm passes through an area, (SURGE IS ALL AROUND US – IT’S LIKE A GOD!) and sometimes cut off evacuation routes. WHEN SURGE CLOSES AN EVACUATION DOOR IT OPENS AN EXTREME ADVENTURE WINDOW. The water can also rise well in advance of the coming storm, in some cases 36 hours or greater. PREMATURE SURGE! NOT GOOD! 

6. During the peak of a SURGE event, it is unlikely that emergency responders will be able to reach you if you are in danger MAINLINE SOME SURGE AND YOU WON’T GIVE A F**K BECAUSE YOUR HEART WILL EXPLODE BEFORE YOU CAN THINK TWICE. SURGE! SNORT IT, SHOOT IT UP, SUCK IT, F**K IT, LICK IT, SMELL IT, DRINK IT!

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