We are short staffed this month since Blake Farenthold passed mono to everyone in the office. I know he is one of your regulars, but thanks to your no-kissing policy you’re the only writer we have left to write up the Reel Big Fish show. I need 400 words by Midnight. –Wil Vent
P.S. 400 is the same as two cartons of cigs, it’s also how many dollars you would have if you gave 160 BJ’s
Dear Abusive Bastard of a Boss,
I’ll write your little article about this fruity little band, but remember you still owe me a ten spot for that ring job last Saturday.
The last time the editor of this toilet paper rag asked me to write about Reel Big Fish, he said there would be plenty of skanking, so I told him I was down. I’ve been skanking since before most of your parents were born and I isn’t about to stop now.
The year was 2007; I had to get an early start to make it to the show. I usually have my Johns drop me where I need to go, but they aren’t always willing to go the extra mile or even the extra block. If each trick will drive me an average of 1 block and it’s 30 blocks from Alameda & Agnes to Concrete Street, that means I gave… that means I gave a whole lot of BJs just to get all the way out to the concert place thingy.
I had already “worked” my way backstage when Wil called to tell me that I had a free ticket and pass at the box office. What a waste!
The guys in the band were cool, Aaron and I shared a few special moments on the tour bus. Then I got kicked out for dropping a nasty #2. I guess there’s a rule about pooping on the bus. Outside Dan and I had a hug and talked about how hard it is to blow the bone for a living.
When the show started I didn’t see any skanking going on anywhere, just a bunch of people doing some silly dance. When Reel Big Fish took the stage, they rocked Corpus Christi more inside- out than my broken pink sexiphone. They played Sell Out and Party Down, both of which I consider personal anthems.
After the show 5-0 was on the scene to keep the crowd under control, so I got the f*** outta there. Two-dozen ‘choops’ later I was back on my corner, cause for me skanking isn’t something I do every time a ska band rolls through town. For me…
SKANKING IS A WAY OF LIFE.
This time Reel Big Fish is coming to Concrete Street on a Beer Run Tour: A day of Ska, Craft Beer and Good Times. They will bring along the Expendables (not to be confused with my front trumpet which has been dubbed The Expandable), The Queers and Tunnel Vision (insert another vagina joke here). The Party starts early July 8th , 5pm-midnight. Get your tickets now.