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Scabby’s Halloween Costumes Guide 2019

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My favorite time of the year is once again upon us Janes and Johns! That’s right, Halloween! The time of the year when old scabby can wander the streets without being harassed by CCPD, since they assume I’m just a spirit filled trick-or-treater sporting a halloween mask. Yes, that’s pretty harsh, but I’m used to it. You don’t have to worry about old Scabby. Besides, since I already have resting Leatherface face, one of my favorite things to do is service others by helping them pick the right costume for the season. Here a few of my top picks this year…   

Drunk Psycho Cop – As you know, police officer almost always makes my list of scariest get-ups, but this year you can be extra terrifying by customizing that pig suit and going as Texas’ own home invading cop, Amber Guyger. To really sell it, instead of ringing the doorbell and saying trick-or-treat, just blast right into the house gun drawn and act like you think it’s your house. It’ll be a great time for all.

Creepy Uncle Biden- This one is tricky, creepy isn’t as easy to pull off as you might think. It requires nuance and a type of subtlety that one has to hone over years of head sniffing and accidental(?) child grouping. Also for this costume you either have to have a small child or politely abduct one for the night. Your call, I maintain no liability. 

Rudy Giuliani /Nosferatu- Who wouldn’t want to scare the area youth dressed up as the most disgusting, blood sucking creature known to man, the original vampire himself. Or you can go as Nosferatu. There is really no identifiable differences between these two masks, it’s just that one is silent and the other can’t shut up. 

South American Immigrant – If you want to scare some stuck up republicans this Halloween, try this one out. Gather about three-thousand of your closest friends, put on the ragged clothes you wear to work on the lawn or possibly a soccer jersey, grab an Argentinian flag to wave and hit those rich white neighborhoods for all you can eat full-size candy bars. They won’t know what hit them. Warning: If you haven’t noticed, black and brown face is out this year so if you really wanna sell it, find some way to work on that tan leading up to the big day. 

Congressman Michael Cloud – Our Corpus Christi Congressional Rep might be the scariest one on this list and for one reason alone. There is absolutely no way to get those dead eyes just right unless you do what he did and literally sell your soul to Satan. I’m not one to stop you from going all out on Halloween, and while every part of your girl Scabby’s body is for rent, sale or barter… my soul remains intact and unscathed. It’s the only pure thing about me and I’m not about to… 

What’s that mister? My soul for $80? No way, didn’t you hear what I was just saying… $85? Well shit, you got yourself a deal! Nice angel costume by the way… 

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