SCABBY’S Congressional CALL TO ACTION

I know it may seem unlikely but for most of my life I have been a member of the GOP, no, not the Gangrene Old Pu**y, the Grand Old Party. Yup, deep down your Scabby dearest runs red, in more ways than one and not just once a month. I mean I am at all times bleeding out of several orifices. As a Republican I believe in the right to bear arms, but to be honest, nowadays I can only bear an arm to about the elbow, then it gets too painful. I also think government should be as small and unobtrusive as a congressman’s dong. I am however anti-free-market… ain’t nothing free when it comes to me, besides any commerce involving my body is more accurately described as the flea-market.
But even as a dying hard republican, I have to say that Donald Trump is too much and at the same time not enough. If you are going to threaten Scabby’s right to choose then you are gonna suffer the full force of my vaginactivism. As with most ancient things, the ripened relic between my legs wields true and strange power. Not just the authority to make a man beg or cry… any punani can do that. Once upon a few decades back I was passed out in some wilderness when I awoke to find a Gypsy Priest blessing my lady parts with incense and his uncut bindle stick. He told me that he gave my beaver the power to steal the livelihood of any fascist or tyrant who dared to gaze into its depths. Apparently, this has been going on for millennia and it is where the term ‘SNATCH’ comes from.
I digress, the point is that all of you grimy republican has-beens and never-weres who all jumped on the Trump train are soon going to find yourself staring into the maddening, spiral-shaped labia of my despot depot, and IF you survive, your new face will demonstrate a truth that turned Ted Cruz into the play-doh face he is today. Did you think God made him look that way? No, it was Little Scabby.
There isn’t much I can do about Trump, the herpes I gave him back in ’89 doesn’t seem to be slowing him down much at all and worse yet, the strain he put in me caused eyeballs to grow above my clitoris which basically causes the same reaction as before when people see my representative in all of its glory.
Speaking of representatives, step one in protecting our rights is to flip the House – like so much awful A&E programming – by voting out Blake Farenthold. We need to flip the Senate as well, but let’s crawl before we walk. By the way, and Blake can attest to this, I charge extra if you want to do ‘baby stuff’. We all know from my previous writing; the history of Blakey Wakey and Scabby Dearest, and our love child but one piece of info I saved for a Trumpy day was that our current House Rep enjoys being infantilized by yours truly. I’m not one to fetish shame, and that isn’t my intention even now. I am simply doing my duty as a journalist and informing my readers of the bizarre actions of the man we chose to bitch about Obama on our behalf.
I’m not sure if BF plans to seek another term, maybe he is even as disappointed in our party as I am. Maybe he just wants more time to relax in that oversized highchair in the corner of the kitchen, that nobody seems to acknowledge. If you don’t plan on running again Blakey Wakey, please let us know so we can turn our attention in the proper direction.
Any of you who are with me; take to social media, I guess that’s a good start… join me at facebook.com/ScabbyNation or /TheVentNation

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