Racist Grandma Faces Lifetime Ban From Kickball Stadium

by Wil Henneberger

(Corpus Christi, TX) 82-year-old, Angela Hilter, sponsor of the Poodles, a Miss Little Kickball team, comprised of her granddaughter and 10 other 5-7-year-olds, may be facing a 3-year ban from the MLK Stadium, which in her case might very well be, a lifetime ban.
Grandma Hilter, as she is know by everyone in the league, never misses a game and always has baked-goods for everyone at the kickball fields. Many husky fans say it would be a great loss if she were banned.
Last week a disturbing video caused some controversy amongst the peewee sports fans. What was believed to be a hate-speech was brought to the attention of area news outlets and has since gone viral.
Hilter, was apparently trying to use the new iPhone she received for mothers day to call her granddaughter. Instead, she posted a video on the popular website, Youtube. About a minute into the video she takes a call from what can only be described as a ‘land-line’ telephone and makes a seemingly racist remark.
“Pick out some Jewsy ones,” Hilter remarks matter-of-factly, “bring ‘em over and I’ll throw ‘em in the oven first thing.”
In a recent press conference however, the context of the video was actually explained by Angela Hilter herself. She was saying “juicy” in reference to berries for a batch of pies she was going to make for the girls and parents of the team.
This put all those in attendance at ease, but moments later tensions once again arose.
She concluded her statement by saying, “Sorry for all the confusion, besides, everyone knows you could never get a Jew anywhere near an oven anymore, if you really want to torture them, take ‘em to one of our fundraisers. Now, I’ve brought enough pie for everyone, please don’t go home without trying a slice.”
The crowd was left speechless, not knowing if they should boo for the anti-Semitism, or cheer for the pies.
The Miss Little Kickball board went into closed session directly following the remark and discussed the Hilter ban, while reluctantly eating pie.
Two hours and six pies later the MLK Vice President gave a brief statement saying, “ We have decided in flavor of the pies…, I mean, in favor of Grandma Hilter and her pies.” He continued, “We understand the current climate regarding sports management and racist remarks, but the case most recently in the media had nothing to do with pies and so we feel secure and upright in this decision.”
And the crowd goes wild!

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