By: Nathan Ray Clark
Over the last decade, Corpus Christi residents have voiced their concerns over deteriorating street conditions. What once was a pesky pothole problem has now become a Texas-sized pain in the ass for everyone. In typical late fashion, the city leaders are finally ready to put this pothole pandemonium to rest.
City officials have come up with a surprising, yet innovative solution. Director of Street Operations, Andy Leal says, “Instead of fixing the potholes we’re planning on making more potholes. Sometimes you have to think outside the box. We realized it’s kind of pointless to fix all the potholes. I mean, there’s always going to be potholes.” Leal admits that his lack of responsibility is not the problem, but instead the blame falls squarely on budget cuts. Leal says, “Bottom line: We don’t have the funds to fix our roads, but we do have enough money to tear up every street from Calallen to the Island. So, we decided we’re gonna do that.”
As expected, locals are frustrated over the city’s solution and insist on a new plan. Hector Solis, a US Army Veteran and Boat ‘N Net aficionado, is one of many citizens who are livid over the city’s decision. Mr Solis says, “I’ve lived here my whole life, and I’ve learned two things. One, the Number Five, shrimp and fish combo with extra tartar sauce will be my last meal on earth. And two, the people who run this penche city are menso.” Solis believes the city hasn’t fully considered the ramifications of this plan and he promises that, “If those putos even think of tearing up my street with more potholes, I’m gonna tear them new culos. If not me, then my old lady will. Linda don’t give a damn!”
Despite promises of ripping city officials a new one, Leal remains confident and believes this plan will bring everyone together. Leal says, “By strategically placing potholes throughout our entire city we are creating a community where all roads are equal. Whether you live on Ocean Drive, or in The Cut, your experience on the road will be exactly the same wherever you go. I believe rough roads will lead us to equality, and that’s why we’re really doing this. Equality.” Outside of Mr Leal’s office an unidentifiable source coughed, “Bullshit.”
As Director of Street Operations, this will be Mr Leal’s last big project. Leal is retiring from the city to open up his very own tire shop. “It’s been a dream of mine since last week.”, says Leal gleefully.
The city’s planned potholes project, nicknamed C3-P Hole, could start as early as January 1st, and be completed by mid March next year. Of course, the city is already planning to push the target end date back a few years.
Residents are urged to help out with the C3-P Hole project. If you spot any streets
in your neighborhood in need of potholes, please call the city at: (361-277-HOLE)