Texas County Initiates Government Slutdown

by William Henneberger

Corpus Christi, TX – It’s been less than a week and area slut, Desiree Moon, is already seeing the effects of the local government Slutdown. Last Tuesday Nueces County officials released a statement explaining that; “effective immediately, all sluts in the county were to stop slutting and go home until further notice.”

Desiree has been the slut behind the vehicle registration counter for over a decade, and never thought there would be a day when she would be forced to stop slutting around the office.

The Slutdown is the result of the county and city’s inability to reach a financial agreement regarding the area slut budget. Obviously, many of the local politicians are very disappointed to be without their sluts. Some are even refusing to do their jobs until the slutdown is over.

“I don’t know how it is at your workplace, but in City Hall, sluts are essential.” Said Danny McGarza, a city worker for over nine years, “Those sluts keep the city functioning like a well lubricated machine, especially those sluts from the fourth floor.”

Mayor Nelda Martinez played a vital role in the slutdown, but claims that it is a trying time for her as well.

“Don’t think for one second that the only sluts around here are women…” She continued, “Usually, I have three male sluts operating under me at all times, and that’s on a slow day. The City Council is already short two people thanks to this forced slutdown. I won’t say which two, but you know… I am hoping just like everyone else that we can come to an agreement so that the slut furlough can come to an end”

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