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Nation in Desperate Need of Weekend at Bernie’s Reboot

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It has never been more clear than after the deaths of Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin on August 16th and Senator John McCain nine days later, that the country is subconsciously yearning for a remake of the classic 1989 film, Weekend at Bernie’s.

The first person to publicly mention this trend was some anonymous Internet-rich loser with a film theory YouTube channel. He claimed, “I was putting together a clip-fest that was sure to get at least four-million- 67% views; Top-10 Films In Which A (Non-Vampire) Corpse Has More Than 50% Screen Time. Weekend at B’s part 1 and 2 would surely make up 20% of that list. I had to watch them in their entirety to be sure, and while doing so, I noticed all the similarities between these classics and the crazy adventures people were planning IRL with Aretha and McCain.

Recent events seem to support this idea. When Aretha Franklin passed, her body was driven around Detroit in a fancy car and then displayed for all her fans to see going as far as to make several outfit changes before finally being laid to rest until a possible funeral sequel. McCain’s lifeless body was being put through even more antics; flying across the country and even showing up to work in Washington one last time.

Stacey Snider, Chairman, and CEO at 20th Century Fox, who says he keeps a close eye on the brilliant YouTube scene, was immediately aroused by the idea. He put several focus groups in motion to steer the project in the right direction.

“I can see it now,” Snider exclaimed, with a full-on profit-boner, “It’s ripe for a TV series reboot. Every week the boys do their necromancy a new lifeless guest star. We only have to pay them 55% for the nonspeaking role. In the pilot, a famous senator is 98% brain-dead, but the boys have to get him back to the capitol to stop the repeal of Obamacare. I happen to know that Jon Silverman and Andrew McCarthy are 100% available and Terry Kiser is just barely alive but that’s almost perfect. We’ll bring him in for the hell of it.”

For the conclusion of this article our hope was to interview Film Theory guy along with Snider to discuss the reboot together, but due to scheduling conflicts, we could never get them both in the same room at the same time.

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