by Wil Henneberger
Corpus Christi residents and proud Democrats Eric and Donnie Triunfo are super excited for 2019 and part of that excitement is due to their new House. Donnie, 21, is about to take his 3rd gap year away from the stresses of Del Mar College’s small appliance repair program and finally move out of his dad’s house. Eric, 18, is following in his brother’s footsteps.
“This new house is so great,” Eric exclaimed, “it means not having to listen to that crazy old tyrant anymore. It’s a new year and there are a lot of changes planned, bruh!”
Eric’s father, Presario Triunfo, has been a republican every since he suffered a work-related head injury that caused an IQ drop of 30 points. He now receives a government check and watches Fox News for several hours a day.
“Yeah, I’m 100% Democrat, dude. Beto all the way,” Donnie explained. “Elizabeth Warren is my girl, or Hillary, I guess… All that sh*t, so I can’t stand ‘Pres’ and his bullsh*t. So that’s why this new house is so important. Now, he can’t bully us or just have his way whenever he wants and the best part about the new house is that we can park it anywhere.”
“Some people think living in a van-house is basically homelessness,” Eric remarked, “but for us it means the kind of freedom the founding father’s intended. If only our father could be more like those dudes.” Presario has told the boys they are welcome back home anytime as long as they are wearing MAGA hats. He has also told his son’s to stop running an extension cord from the garage and to get their van out of the driveway, because this isn’t some socialist country. When asked about the changes in the U.S. House of Representatives the two Democrats had no idea what that meant.