Gene Wilder – Dead to Me

On August 29th beloved comedic actor Gene Wilder passed away from complications due to Alzheimer’s – pronounced Alz – hee – merz. The 83 year old star of dozens of films will never be forgotten, except by others who suffer from the same disease.

He is survived by Johnny Depp, whom many wish had been taken instead, and Mel Brooks who, however inappropriate in this time of grief, would want us to say that he is still as sharp as ever.

Wilder leaves behind a countless supply of Everlasting Gobstoppers, which he spent his later years trying to eliminate, to no avail. Some believe it was this venture that drove him mad.

The revelation of Wilder’s Alzheimers gives new, sad meaning to the Willy Wonka Tunnel of Death poem that haunted so many children over the last 40 years:

There’s no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going.
There’s no knowing where we’re rowing
Or which way the river’s flowing.
Is it raining?
Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a blowing?

Not a speck of light is showing
so the danger must be growing.
Are the fires of hell a glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes! The danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing.
And they’re certainly not showing
any signs that they are slowing!

Wilder will be buried in his purple suit from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and his blackface from Silver Streak.

Gene Wilder, I didn’t think you were that creepy, but nonetheless you’re now dead to me. Good die sir. I SAID, GOOD DIE!