Anton Yelchin: Dead To Me

Anton Yelchin
Anton Yelchin

Born: Stardate 42635.9
Died: Stardate 69961.7

Captain’s Log, stardate 69965.0

While exploring the lower quadrant of his Earth-dwelling 27-year-old Anton Yelchin’s life was lost after he was struck by his own runaway vessel. The gearshift of the USS Jeep Grand Cherokee was stuck in the neutral zone causing the Class-J Roadship to reverse toward and fatally crush the young actor near the outer rim of the Drivey Way galaxy.

While he had been known to struggle with an addiction to Dilithium Crystal Meth, that did not seem to play a factor in this bizarre accident. The official cause of death has been recorded as blunt autoerotic asphyxia.

Yelchin was an inspiration to everyone around him including Director J.J. Abrams who has now been inspired to develop a reboot of Stephen King’s Christine.
He is survived by his Russian parents who are considered legal aliens in this sector and the cast of Star Trek Beyond including Zachary Quinto who was in total Spock when he heard the news.

The one comfort in this freak tragedy is that the movie star died wearing his favorite red Starfleet shirt.

Services will be held on Tuesday where, as a requiem, Wiz Khalifa will perform a remix of the song he wrote after Actor Paul Walker’s fatal car accident. The Anton Yelchin version, however, will be sung backwards.

Taken before your time, you are dead to us Anton, but in that great ship in the sky, you’ll always have the conn.