Dead To Me: A Boy Named Kimberly


“Son, this world is rough
and if a man’s gonna make it, he’s gotta be tough,
and I knew I wouldn’t be there to help you along.
So I give you that name and I said goodbye,
I knew you’d have to get tough or die,
And it’s the name that helped to make you strong”
-Johnny Cash, A Boy Named Sue

Kimberly “Kimbo” Slice passed away June 6th, 2016 at the tenderized age of 42. Kimbo went from Youtube to UFC, to six feet under, going the distance with Death, before the Grim Reaper finally won by decision. He is preceded in death by Regular Slice and Diet Slice.

Like many celebrity up-and-comers he got his start working in the porn industry, but luckily for all of us he was able to make a name for himself by only taking off most of his clothing. Kimbo slice was known as the poor man’s Kimbo Sierra Mist, but more importantly the gentle giant was known for his professional Mixed Martial Arts record of 1-0, with our hearts.

Sadly the fighter never figured out how to counter a heart attack, or a rear naked choke.

Kimbo leaves behind six children, all named George Foreman, and is also survived by so many people who are way older and unhealthier than he was.

In honor of his backyard-boxing beginnings, his journey will end when he is laid to rest in a box buried behind his estate.

To paraphrase the Man in Black; life ain’t easy for a boy named Kimberly. Kimbo Slice, you are dead to me.

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