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Congressman Blake Farenthold delivers rousing “I Have a Wet Dream” Speech

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CORPUS CHRISTI, TX – The following are excerpts from a recent speech given by a certain congressman with a redhead fetish, regarding the ongoing scandal surrounding the use of taxpayer monies for the settlement after a sexual harassment case in the U.S. House of Representatives.

Let us not wallow in the valley of red hair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though I face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a wet dream. It is a wet dream deeply rooted in the American wet dream.

I have a wet dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “I hold these boobs to be self-evident, that this man was created creepy and disgusting.”

I have a wet dream today!

I have a wet dream that one day in the red “valley” of my new assistant Georgia, the daughters of former slaves and the daughters of former slave owners will be able to go down together at the Sapphic table of sisterhood in a proud display of interracial girl-on-girl patriotism.

I have a wet dream today!

I have a wet dream that my four sexy interns will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their hair but by the content of their blouses.

I have a wet dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight… If you know what I mean.

I have a wet dream today!

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