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CCPD Names New Chef of Police


Mike ‘Mayonnaise’ Markle was sworn in as the new Police Chef Friday. Last year, Mike ‘Mayo’ served as interim Chef after the city lost its pervious Chef Floyd ‘Shrimpson’ Simpson in a tragic off-duty accident.
Chef Shrimpson was famously known for the many ways in which he could prepare shrimp-themed meals. There was Shrimp-Cocktail, Shrimp-Kabobs, Fried Shrimp, Grilled Shrimp, Shrimp Scampi, Shrimp Gumbo, etc.
Recently Chef Mayo went up against several other candidates including Gordon Ramsey and that guy who gained a lot of weight and always says, “Baam!” when he adds pepper to an entre. City officials were not impressed with these gimmicks or with Ramsey’s vulgarities. Since last time they chose a Chef of color, “white-guilt” was not a deciding factor leaving only Mike Markle as a considerable applicant.
The new Chef has a Baker’s Degree from S.L.U. and a Masters of Burger Administration from the American Cheese University. These accolades reflect well on paper but some worry that Chef Mayo’s taste will prove to be too mild for the menudo-pot that is Corpus Christi.markle-michael
“The choice to confirm was not a tough one,” said Mayor Nelda Martinez, “One Chef Mayo demonstrated how he could serve a group of rowdy youths a platter of Knuckle-sandwiches. I knew he was the condiment for the job. ”
While it is true that Markle has been finely schooled in a particular style of police-chefing, he has also been part of this community for over two decades and has surely picked up a few local tricks over the years.
“One thing I can’t condone,” explained Chef Mayo, “is the areas taste for synthetics. Me and my crew are going to be cracking down on anyone using those chemical cocktails of God-knows-what.”
Of course if the new Chef wants to discourage the use of synthetic ingredients then changes will need to be made regarding CCPD’s policy on natural product.

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