With December 1st fast approaching and Snoop Dogg’s Puff, Puff, Pass Tour caravan currently on its way to our borders, the Corpus Christi Police Department has been in constant preparation.
According to unnamed sources from within CCPD, Chief of Police Mike Markle has been blasting Meat Loaf’s Bat Out of Hell II album while taking shifts of SWAT Officers through multiple drills and scenarios that might occur once Snoop Dogg and his crew reach the city.
The caravan’s final destination is What-a-burger field where it is said they will attempt to gather thousands of local Generation Xers along with a few dozen Millennials to take their money in order to purchase drugs.
A spokesperson for the Tour told us, “This tour is comprised mostly of parents just trying to earn a living. They will have traveled thousands of miles before arriving and have overcome many hardships along the way.”
Corpus Christi Mayor Joe McComb recently said in a press conference, “This group is headed our way folks. They are bringing drugs into our city. They are carrying diseases. And they are coming for our women. These are bad brothers, ladies and gentleman, and we need to keep them from entering our borders.”
While a few or all of those statements may well prove accurate, some say that authorities are purposely blowing this issue way out of proportion in order to scare citizens away from the tour and instead to a conflicting Pauly Shore appearance.
Pauly Shore responded to these accusations saying, “Harsh bro, the We’sel just wants to come to Corpus and share some laughs and guac with all the beautiful light brown pe’ple.”
Upon hearing the news of this invasion of black people, President Trump declared Nueces County in a state of emergency and offered to send in the Nationalist Guard.