Category Archives: to Santa

Letters to Santa

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is some furniture (preferably a foot stool), some rope to practice my knots, and a heavy duty hook to hang a mistletoe.

Love, Raymond, 7

Dear Santa,

pleas ask mommy and daddy to shut the door when they practice CPR and reverse CPR (that’s what daddy calls it)

Thanks, Johnny 8

Dear Santa,

It was nice meeting you at the mall, but kind of awkward when you showed up at my house yesterday. However, thank you for the PS4 and the cold hands.

Scarred, Roman, 6

Dear Santa,

Here it is. The day we’ve been planning for months. Or at least I have, because this has been a fairly one-sided conversation. But I know you’ve been getting these letters. You have to have been, because where else would they be going?

Dear Santa,

Hey Santa baby,
I want the same thing I ask for every year and never seem to get… Dignity. I haven’t giving up on you Santa, I’m a true believer. Maybe I’m naïve or perhaps I am just stuck in a state of arrested development from the trauma of the first time I was turned out on the street. Oh listen to me whining like its my first time taking it up the chimney. I’ve been a really good girl this year, I’ve been giving out free hand jobs to those in need and I am leaving my cookie out for you… you bring the milk.
Scabby, 67 going on 11

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa Impersonator,

I don’t even know why I am writing you this letter seeing as I am Santa. That’s right boys and girls, I am Santa, but at the same time I wanna also denounce Santa and everything he represents and stands for. It’s not a contradiction if I am operating on such a high level that even scientologists think I’m crazy. By the way I am also L. Ron Hubbard, in case you were wondering.
Yesterday I was a God today I’m a fat bearded muthaf***a and tomorrow I might even be an artist, but I doubt it.
Fake a$$ Santas ain’t got nothing on me. Why do you think my picture is the biggest one on this page? You think its cause the editor came up with this last minute idea just to try and fill up some empty space… That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

Santa clause

Dear Santa,

Ok Santa,

There’s no time to screw around here. This Christmas we need our Filibuster back. It looks like Jesus is sitting on his hands for this battle so we have no choice but to come to you. Without the filibuster this Government might actually accomplish something and that, simply put, would be unacceptable. So figure this one out Santa, you are our only hope.
Blake F.

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,
This year for Christmas all I want is for someone to pick me up from this cemetery. It seems like I’ve been here for months. I am really sorry that I cry so much and ask for food sometimes. If you send my mommy to take me back home I will never ask for food again. Also can you bring me some food. I’m so tired. I’m just going to take a little nap in this warm hole.
Thanks Santa, Cemetery Baby

Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,
I no longer believe in you, but I’m just really desperate here. I have had it up to here with my old man! It seems like over the last year or so my dad has become more and more of a jerk. Do this. Do that. That’s all I ever hear from him.
I don’t know why he has changed so much. It started sometime between my 13th and 14th birthday and it was like one day he was my great dad who I looked up to and the next we has a complete turd.
Maybe it has something to do with his age. Could it be that when he hit a certain age his body started going through some kind of change that makes him such a pain? There has to be some explanation as to why he all of a sudden annoys me so much.
Obviously Santa, I would like to have a new dad for Christmas. Perhaps a cool black dad who might actually ‘get’ me. Or even a gay dad. Anything please. Santa will you be my dad? I’m so confused.

Jared, 14

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