Category Archives: Previews

Selling Out with Scabby and Reel Big Fish

Dear Scabby,

We are short staffed this month since Blake Farenthold passed mono to everyone in the office. I know he is one of your regulars, but thanks to your no-kissing policy you’re the only writer we have left to write up the Reel Big Fish show. I need 400 words by Midnight. –Wil Vent

P.S. 400 is the same as two cartons of cigs, it’s also how many dollars you would have if you gave 160 BJ’s

Dear Abusive Bastard of a Boss,

I’ll write your little article about this fruity little band, but remember you still owe me a ten spot for that ring job last Saturday.

-Scabby

Poor Parenting at Moontower: Sing for your Supper, Son or All The Comedy Free Badges Can Buy

by Wil Henneberger

I think by now, anyone who reads this magazine knows that I don’t have any money. I’ve actually never had money. Early on I realized that if I really wanted to attend an event, then I needed to have a way to get in without paying. Before I became a comedy-nerd, I was a music-geek and for over a decade my brother and I along with our friends would attend Warped Tour or SXSW or just random concerts to interview bands. It started with crashing backstage gates and talking our way in and over the years evolved to emails with publicists and guest list spots.

Not much has changed. Sure I have a son that will start school at UT this fall, but that just means that when I hit up a comedy fest for a couple of badges, one of those is going to go to him. Son, it’s time you learned how to sing for your supper. It’s not like this print magazine is the kind of family business I can pass down to you, but writing is a talent that you can one day incorporate into your holoblog (hologram blog?) so that you can matrix-plug into, and cerebrally upload whatever virtual entertainment you prefer, without having to expend any of the limited bio-credits from the chip in your wrist. We wish we could have loaded you up with more bio-credits but sadly we lost most of what we had, fighting on the losing side of the Great Trump War or ’18.

So How Did You Get The Name Bobcat Goldthwait ?

For most of my generation, it is hard not to associate Bobcat Goldthwait with the maniacal character he played in 3 of the 7 [possibly 8 (possibly infinite)] Police Academy Movies. However, if you are a savvy MFing indie film/comedy buff like myself, then you are aware that before his acting career Bobcat was a Stand-Up Comedian, and in the years since, he has made his mark behind the camera. He has directed everything from Chappelle’s Show to Jimmy Kimmel Live!, not to mention a handful of his own feature films. I spent last Thursday morning on the phone with one of my favorite filmmakers and before you ask, NO, he doesn’t do the voice anymore… unless you pay enough.

Vent: I’m a little nervous. I’m a big fan.

Bobcat: Well, I hope I don’t crush that out of you.

V: Fair enough… I grew up on the Police Academy movies, but mostly my brother knew you from Hot To Trot. We recorded it off HBO on VHS and just watched it over and over.

B: I won’t tell the Feds.

V: Yes, please don’t. I already have some issues with the Feds.

Going Blue with Josh Blue

By Will Vent

V: I’d like to stick with a Josh/Blue theme for this interview, so with that, would you please put these Joshs in the correct order that my ex-wife slept with them? Josh Brolin , Josh Hartnett, Josh Groban, and Josh Gad.

J: That’s easy, she had a threesome with all of them, man.

V: How did you know? Have you met her?

J: Well, I was filming.

V: Can you give me a non-scientific reason to explain to my 9-year-old daughter, why the sky is Blue.

J: That’s easy man, so, you know when spill paint?

V: Ok…

J: That has nothing to do with this. The sky is blue because crack-heads live in Detroit.

V: Seeing that your name is Josh Blue, have you ever thought about sticking to strictly blue comedy, like really raunchy stuff and if so can we get a sample of one of your most offensive lines?

Solicited Advice from Ron White

Corpus Cristino’s we all know the man, the myth, the tater-salad, so let’s get right into it.

V: Right off the bat, I could use a little bit of advice, I’m 35, two kids, and I’ve been married since I was 17 years old. And now I am getting a divorce. Do you have any tips for me to make that go smoothly?

R: Do you play golf?

V: I do not.

R: It’s the hardest thing in the world dude. It almost killed me. I’ve been divorced a few times and I’m not very good at it.

V: So you’re saying I should take up golf.

R: Take up golf. I used to play with Dr. Phil when I was going through my divorce and they were beating me up over a bunch of money. I was just a wretch, and we were playing golf one day. I said, “This divorce is killing me, Doc.”
He said, “Keep your head still when you putt.”
“What?”
Doc said, “I can tell that when you make a put, it puts you in a better mood and when you don’t make a putt, it’s because you move your head. So, don’t move your head when you putt and you’ll feel better.”
“Thanks for the help doc”

You wonder if he gives unsolicited advice, he doesn’t even give solicited advice.

V: Switching over to politics. Last year you announced that you were officially running for president of the United States.

Starting A Cult with Comedian Steve Trevino

Being a comedian, it goes without saying that Steve Trevino is extremely charismatic and can command the attention of huge groups of people. That makes him the perfect person to ask for some advice about a cult I would like to start.

First off… Who should my cult worship? And why?

Richard Pryor, because he was the truth. He wasn’t afraid to be honest and open. I think all people should live that way.

Should I let other dudes in or just Ladies?

Everyone is welcome to enjoy the truth and honesty in the cult of Richard Pryor. I feel sometimes, or at least lately, Comics haven’t been as honest. All they do is tell jokes out of a joke book that they wrote on some silly Notepad, instead of just being honest and talking about life. Richard Pryor didn’t need a notepad. Which is why I try to be as honest as possible on stage.

You are from this area, where’s a good place to set up our cult’s compound?

On the Corpus Christi Bay! Because if I had my life to do all over it wouldn’t matter anyway because I’d spend it drinking on the Corpus Christi Bay.

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