Category Archives: All Grown Down

All Grown Down: Herpes

by Joshua Espitia
So let’s talk about STD’s, shall we? (Jesus, most people have a little icebreaker or maybe introduce themselves. This guy dives right into cooties.) STD’s terrify me. I’ve thankfully never had one. Or if I did, it didn’t have any symptoms so no harm no foul, am I right? But they’re out there. My health teacher told me so. And they have scary names. And I don’t want one.
You can prevent them. They say condoms do the trick. Unfortunately, I’m allergic to latex. And you’re free to use that as a pick up line. The ladies love that kind of honesty up front. Hey, sexy lady, guess what you’ll be saving 2.50 on later… But that does limit the women I can sleep with. They have to either have a recent clean bill of health (and I am willing to wait the two weeks for results if you’re interested) or have absolutely no regard for their own well-being. But I actually insist that those women have test results. In theory.
But gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis are everywhere. I bet at least all of you have one of them. And nobody talks about

All Grown Down: Okinawa

by Mike Skinner
I’m guessing that this was the last week of November, 1998. It was just after my 22nd birthday. The 28th or 29th of the month, give or take. I was allowed the greatest free pass ever. The United States government decided that it would pay me to go to the complete other side of the world and live in a ridiculously free environment…on a tropical island. Right? I mean, c’mon.
Shit, that sounds awesome. Doesn’t that sound awesome? Do you remember yourself at your 22nd birthday? A free vacation to Japan for a year, all expenses paid? Idealistically, this seems like a dream scenario for most people, right? It really should have been, but I played it all wrong. Most of us did.
We were a young and stupid lot. Just bags of rocks with strong legs and backs and we wore our pretend badges with great pride, even though everyone knew that they really meant nothing. We were tasked to corral our brothers and sisters with a stiff, yet subtle arm and to remember who buttered our side of the bread. It was then, as I’m sure it is now, a fair trade. Perhaps there is honor amongst

All Grown Down: Happy Birthday

by Mike Skinner
When I was a younger man, I was dead certain that I was smarter than everyone around me. I was terse and abrasive and short with people that, in hindsight, were probably just trying to talk about their lives because that’s what we all do anyway. We talk about our lives. We talk about our perspectives. We talk about things that infect us with the feels. I would stand proudly atop the cafe tables and shout at strangers and knock over drinks and generally make a tremendous ass of myself while expounding upon the sweaty sermons of my pretense, but I was young so it was still kind of funny. I could still get away with it because it was marginally entertaining to my pals and some girls still thought it was intriguing. I can go back to previous years of journaling and the running theme is more often than not the same. It’s me talking about how ignorant everyone is and if they would just open their eyes to the realities of blah blah blah, Jesus Christ I’m annoyed by myself right now just thinking about it.
Not to say that my ideas were bad, per se. I still

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