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Group Works to Ban Plastic Bags and Minorities From Beach


Citizens throughout Corpus Christi have gathered recently in a remarkable effort to keep area beaches clean. The charge was originally started by local environmentalists, but has recently been overtaken by retired conservative radio personality and Tea Party advocate, Eric von Wade.

The group has since introduced the Beach Purity Act before city council, which stresses the benefits of a coastline free off plastic bags and brown people. The statute has been supported by everyone from the local chapter of the KKK, to Corpus Christi’s vast population of generally racist old people.

In a statement read before the council von Wade said, “We believe the beach should be a safe and clean environment where people aren’t forced to see disgusting Wal-Mart bags or HEB bags, or black people, or Family Dollar bags, or Family Dollar customers.” He continued, “A beach ban is just the first step toward a city-wide ban of these ugly, stupid pieces of worthless trash as well as the plastic bags.”

While several minority leaders have protested the statute, others in the community have been lackluster in their opposition to the plan, stating that,  “While [they] are vehemently against any kind of discrimination… they wouldn’t mind seeing the beaches a little cleaner.”

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