Monthly Archives: December 2017

SCABBY’S Congressional CALL TO ACTION

I know it may seem unlikely but for most of my life I have been a member of the GOP, no, not the Gangrene Old Pu**y, the Grand Old Party. Yup, deep down your Scabby dearest runs red, in more ways than one and not just once a month. I mean I am at all times bleeding out of several orifices. As a Republican I believe in the right to bear arms, but to be honest, nowadays I can only bear an arm to about the elbow, then it gets too painful. I also think government should be as small and unobtrusive as a congressman’s dong. I am however anti-free-market… ain’t nothing free when it comes to me, besides any commerce involving my body is more accurately described as the flea-market.
But even as a dying hard republican, I have to say that Donald Trump is too much and at the same time not enough. If you are going to threaten Scabby’s right to choose then you are gonna suffer the full force of my vaginactivism. As with most ancient things, the ripened relic between my legs wields true and strange power.

Dear Scabby,

Dear Scabby,
Given the current scandal in Congressman Blake Farenthold’s office, I was wondering if you could tell us about your time working with him…
-Thanks, Political Perv

Dear PeePee,

Usually, I am as honest and open as a herpes sore when I writing, but I try to avoid the subject of politics. To be truthful, it’s kind of disgusting to me. However, in the interest of full-frontal disclosure, I will grace you with that brief chapter of my life.
Once upon a time, I was a dirty old crack whore walking aimlessly along Leopard, when one early morning a special john pulled up. He was high as a kite, though his body would be better described as hot-air-balloonish. He asked if there were any redheads around. I told him my hair was red where it mattered. Not a complete lie, the constant genital bleeding mixed with my grey-butterscotch pubes makes for a sexy scarlet fire crotch that can easily fool anyone beyond a slight buzz.

Congressman Blake Farenthold delivers rousing “I Have a Wet Dream” Speech

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX – The following are excerpts from a recent speech given by a certain congressman with a redhead fetish, regarding the ongoing scandal surrounding the use of taxpayer monies for the settlement after a sexual harassment case in the U.S. House of Representatives.

Let us not wallow in the valley of red hair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though I face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a wet dream. It is a wet dream deeply rooted in the American wet dream.

I have a wet dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “I hold these boobs to be self-evident, that this man was created creepy and disgusting.”

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