Monthly Archives: November 2017

Trump Institutes White Friday

WASINGTON D.C. – Last week, shortly before leaving for Asia, President Trump addressed a group of his supporters and delivered a well-received message. He told constituents that on November 24th, 2017, the day after Thanksgiving, history will be made as the first ever White Friday takes place. He went on to say that millions of oppressed Caucasians could finally take to the streets before the sun rises, in order to be a part of this momentous occasion of huge savings.

Racist experts say that with this new ‘White Friday’, people can expect more organized lines, little to no trampling, and an overall politeness never seen during a ‘Black Friday’. They are also predicting ‘White Friday’ consumer spending to be upwards of 900-billion dollars, up from last year’s ‘Black Friday’ spending of $85.

Wake up and ask today’s victims families how they feel about yesterday’s thoughts and prayers.

Thoughts and prayers are not the solutions to gun violence. Thoughts are not the same as thinking.

In case you haven’t caught on sometime over the past 10 years, this is a liberal magazine. The Vent has been kicked out of a few local spots for our opinions (the only one I can remember though is B&J’s Pizza). Once, The Vent was even boycotted by a local (alleged) girlfriend-beating conservative radio host and his 19 listeners. Yes, the same people who so value the 2nd Amendment are usually the first to cry about the rights afforded to people like me in the 1st Amendment.

I am so angry about the recent church shooting and the ridiculous people with whom I have argued online, who tow the NRA line of “not politicalizing tragedy”. I say that anyone who says that doesn’t care about the lives lost. What do you propose… just bury our dead; send our thoughts and prayers out into the universe and wait for the next mass shooting?

Pitching & Moaning – by Jay Whitecotton

It’s a complicated relationship.
Growing up I really wanted to be a baseball player. The Astros were my team. Nolan Ryan and Glenn Davis were my dudes. I was quasi related to one and had the same birthday as the other.
I even named a dog after Casey Candaele, a 5’9 utility player beloved by fans for his hustle despite constantly being sent back to the minors for his lack of sustained talent.
We didn’t have a TV so I listened to games in my room. I remember Jay Howard describing Craig Biggio striking out and breaking his bat with his knee.
Occasionally we’d catch games in bars playing darts and laughing at Harry Carey trying desperately to say “Ken Caminiti” without sounding like a drunk passing a stone.
Like a lot of Texas kids I played little league.

Hooks Pitcher Makes it to World Series

Last week, Ryan Thompson, one of 14 pitchers for the Corpus Christi Hooks, achieved his lifelong dream of going to the World Series. The famed #27, came from humble beginnings in Turner, OR, a town known for breeding lumberjacks and beer crafters. He struggled as a teen, going against the grain as one of the only “jocks” in his county, dreaming of one day watching other, better jocks do the impossible.

“Everyone told me I’d never make it,” said Thompson, “but with enough gas money, my old man’s season tickets to Dodger Stadium, and a little determination, I knew I would one day make it to the greatest championship game ever.”

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