Monthly Archives: October 2017

Latest Mass Shooting Changes Two Minds About Gun Control

LAS VEGAS, NV – After numerous deadly public shootings in recent history that had absolutely no effect on public opinion regarding gun control, the latest mass killing in Las Vegas seems to have finally made a difference. As many as two individuals have reportedly seen the light and decided to amend their stance on gun regulations. Unfortunately, the two people who changed their feelings on this issue come from different camps, which puts America right back where we started.

Jessie Hatcher, the schoolteacher from Reno was attending the concert and was lucky enough to find cover in the nearby pawnshop from Pawn Stars. “I used to think,” Hatcher recalled, “that my hero Joe Biden was right when he said that all I really need to protect my family and myself is a shotgun next to the bed, but I couldn’t help but wonder how if I had a super high-powered rifle that night then I could have taken out that madman. I got caught bringing a concert ticket to a gunfight, but that can’t happen if, from now on, I assume I am always going to a gunfight. I think that is the real lesson here.”

Wake up and Get Lost

There is no doubt about it folks; I am in a rut. When I find myself asking questions like; where did I go wrong? Was it when I got married at 17? Or maybe when I accepted that Fourth Meal really is a thing… I don’t just dig in and wallow. In these times of self-doubt, we need to reach out to someone or something to pull us out of the muck. For some maybe it’s Jesus, for others, it might be prescription uppers or maybe even a delicious late night pick-me-up trip to Taco Bell. Well, when the Frito Burritos doesn’t do it for me, I tend to look for a life-size physical manifestation of my current struggle to conquer in hopes that it will release me from the downward spiral in which I question the meaninglessness of my own miserable existence.

(Cue happy banjo music)

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