Monthly Archives: June 2017

Local Radio Host Beats Dead Horse & Girlfriend

On air radio personality Eric Von Wade is known for regurgitating the same garbage over and over. For years he has talked to himself about his far-right, gun-toting, ultra-conservative opinions, while a few others with broken radio dials or faulty cerebrum listened in. He has now allegedly graduated from beating a dead horse to beating his live girlfriend.

According to the police report, officers were called to von Wade’s residence, where he was acting like some “roided-out jealous insecure teenager”. He was witnessed verbally abusing his girlfriend who friends describe as being very open-minded in the bedroom to some not-so conservative requests by the Republican.

When his bloody-lipped girlfriend told police that he had assaulted her Eric von Wade was arrested and spent the weekend in the county jail holding facility. Upon his $2500 bonded release, the professional talker who peppers his hardnosed beliefs about politics and his questionable views on feminism with outdated Seinfeld references and misogynistic innuendo took to the airwaves.

Onomatopoeia my pants: An interview with Comedian Pablo Francisco

I have to start by saying what I knew would be true of this interview before I even made the phone call to Pablo Francisco – It does not do him justice. At first, I thought it would be funny for me to have to spell out and you to have to read all the booshes, woomps, re-roalps, and blehghs, but soon I realized that I suck at onomatopoeia.

Pablo is a master of sound effects and impersonation as you can see by all the characters that pop into our conversation which, I should note, took place around 7am. Of course, the best way to enjoy the many sides of this internationally known comedian is to see him on stage for yourself. All voices are done by Pablo since I also suck at impressions.

Pablo: Hello, this is Pablo Francisco.

Vent: Hey Pablo, this is Wil with the Vent in Corpus Christi. How’re you doing?

P: I’m doing good man. I’m just chilling here on the Internet waiting for your call. And thanks for calling, what’s up man?

V: Yeah, hey. I’m doing pretty good. We just wanted to do a quick little interview to promote the show coming up. I jotted down just some basic stuff and then maybe a little bit of weird stuff too we can get into.

P: Absolutely man, I’m down, man.

Selling Out with Scabby and Reel Big Fish

Dear Scabby,

We are short staffed this month since Blake Farenthold passed mono to everyone in the office. I know he is one of your regulars, but thanks to your no-kissing policy you’re the only writer we have left to write up the Reel Big Fish show. I need 400 words by Midnight. –Wil Vent

P.S. 400 is the same as two cartons of cigs, it’s also how many dollars you would have if you gave 160 BJ’s

Dear Abusive Bastard of a Boss,

I’ll write your little article about this fruity little band, but remember you still owe me a ten spot for that ring job last Saturday.

-Scabby

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