Monthly Archives: March 2017

Trump Visits Corpus Christi for Spring Break


CORPUS CHRISTI, TX – White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer told the press Friday, that the President has decided to make a change from the gorgeous surroundings, first-class amenities, and 126 rooms of Mar-a-Lago, and has decided to spend his spring break at the Omni Hotel near the chocolate-milky waters of South Texas. The president will be in town for an entire workweek in March.

Some Washington politicians have rumored that the reason for this visit is because the dopey Corpus Christi House Representative Blake Farenthold was playing hide-and-seek by himself in the White House when he happened upon President Trump and Steve Bannon in a compromising situation involving a goat head, a young child, and ceremonial dagger. This seems a likely possibility considering that President Trump would typically avoid such a Hispanic saturated district and since Farenthold is widely known for playing with himself.

Stripe Stores Support Trump’s K.K.K.

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX – With the instant success of the Selena themed cups, Stripe Convenience Stores has already announced their next venture in commemorative beverage containers. Beginning March 12th the gas station with a near monopoly in Corpus Christi will release five different President Donald Trump Kommemorative Kollectible Kups.
“Now that we have put something out for the nonvoters,” Welcy Karren, CEO of Stripe parent company, said from a leather chair in a dark, cigar smoke-filled room at an undisclosed location, “we thought we should do something for the Corpus Christinos that actually matter.”
Insiders at Stripe say that Karren saw the cup idea as a way to make back some of the $6 million dollars he donated to Rick Perry’s Presidential campaign and the $1 million he gave to Trump’s winning effort.

Wake up and Hook ‘em Horns

I am in Austin as I write this. My son was accepted to begin classes at UT this fall and tomorrow we will both take our first tour of the campus. This is a big deal for us and a huge step in breaking the cycle in my family of not figuring out our lives until in our 30s. It’s a start. The start. All you can do as a parent is give your kids a good start in life. With my dad gone and my mom at her wit’s end, I was out of my parent’s control by the time I was a teenager and I moved out at 15 for my false start. So, my goal; to give my son a solid foundation on which to begin adulthood. A goal to which I failed miserably, I’m talking about President Trump level failure.

Somehow, though, here we are, a 3.8 GPA/1470 SAT score and on his way to some incredible debt. (where are you when I need you, Bernie) I have always been proud of my amazing children who are equal parts Me and their mother, but it sure is fun to feel the cup of my pride overflowing so many times over the years. Be it from the Little Miss Kickball field or the classroom, I am a proud mother***er.

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