Monthly Archives: June 2016

Governor Proposes Republican/Democrat Bathrooms

By William Henneberger
Graphics by Jared Henneberger

In order to calm the minds of concerned religious voters all over Texas, Governor Greg Abbott has proposed a law that will segregate public restrooms. The new decree mandates that there now be separate restrooms for Republicans and Democrats in every public and private establishment in the state, including homes.
This comes on the heels of legal battles in several other states, over which restroom facilities transgender Americans should use.
The details of this new initiative, which some are calling slightly hateful and offensive, state very specific requirements for each lavatory: Every republican restroom should consist of several units within the main room. There will be a private area for women who were born women as well as men who were born men, and also an area for children who were born children.

Muhammad Ali Dead To Me Obit

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I didn’t know The Champ very well, but I like to think we had a lot in common. It was said that he could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. I’ve been known to collect butterflies because I’m deathly allergic to bees.

For the younger generations, Ali reigned before our time. Most young people who hear the words “down goes Frazier” wonder why beating up Kelsey Grammer was so impressive. Although seeing Ali in his prime tossing the salad and scrambling the eggs of Beast from X-Men would be an event that would surely pull promoter Don King by the hair, out of retirement.

In ‘74 you came out with a win at Rumble in the Jungle, but at 74 years old you got knocked out by

Trump for CC Mayor Movement Gains Momentum

by William Henneberger

In a not-so-surprising turn of events, last Wednesday Donald Trump decided that on top of his presidential bid, he would also take a run at the position of Corpus Christi Mayor. The recent local water controversy caused the Republican Nominee to take notice of how terribly the South Texas city is being maintained by its current leaders, and with a possible recall of current mayor Nelda Martinez there may be an empty slot for the brazen billionaire. The decision came after his campaign manager told him that he could not run for President of the United States and Mayor of some unknown, quasi-tourist trap in the most humid part of the Gulf of Mexico.
“NOBODY IS GONNA TELL ME WHAT I CAN OR CAN’T DO!” Trump announced to the limousines occupants. “GET ME TO CORPUS CHRISTI!”

Wake Up and Recall

By William Henneberger

I recall a simpler time when I was okay being ignorant of the political toxins that surrounded me. Now, as that hazardous waste has finally made its way into my body via a tainted water supply, I find myself having to take a side on the matter of our Mayor. I have always liked Nelda Martinez. I’ve meet her once or twice, heard her speak at a few events. She even pops into my sexual fantasies now and again, but so do all the City Council members (except Mark Scott, never Mark Scott). The Vent has done our part to ridicule our lovely lady leader over the past few years and, from what I hear, she has always been a sport about it.
Sadly, though, I also recall a time when I didn’t have to think twice about pouring myself a glass of tap water for actual drinking purposes. Now I just use it to water the flowers, and only the ones I really don’t care about. I’m talking to you Tulips! You will never be as great as a Rose. My family has been buying bottled water for as long as I can remember, probably after the first series of water boil alerts years ago around the time Martinez took office.

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