Monthly Archives: March 2016

Wake Up & Rock

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For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a Radio Disc Jockey. You know, those guys who spin flat vinyl that somehow magically plays sound waves when a needle runs through grooves. Seriously, can you explain how records work? It’s nothing short of witchcraft.
I have always been ahead of Generation Youtube’s obsession with making their mark. Maybe this desire stems from old WKRP reruns on Nick-at-Nite, or perhaps my mind figured out that in a small-market city, there are only a few types of local celebrities and DJs, especially morning DJs, are at the top of that list. Sure, Joe Gazin is the biggest Corpus-famous person in this city by the sea (a close tie with our sexy Mayor), but nobody wants to hang out with newscasters (or politicians for that matter). For one, they are all sociopaths, two, they are incredibly boring. Trust me, I used to work with these people.

March 2016 Horoscopes

by Stella Starr

Pisces
Happy birthday Pisces! With the sun in your house of love and romance you can expect some sizzling hot nights this month. Your partner will be peeling you off the ceiling. But be sure to keep it clean or you will be peeling your knickers off the wall. Eeew.

Aries
Venus is in your house of relationships, ushering in a new period of honesty and openness in your love life. Unfortunately it also means your wife will find out how wide open your secretary has been during your evening conferences when she finds the Instax mini prints in your sock drawer.

All Grown Down: Herpes

by Joshua Espitia
So let’s talk about STD’s, shall we? (Jesus, most people have a little icebreaker or maybe introduce themselves. This guy dives right into cooties.) STD’s terrify me. I’ve thankfully never had one. Or if I did, it didn’t have any symptoms so no harm no foul, am I right? But they’re out there. My health teacher told me so. And they have scary names. And I don’t want one.
You can prevent them. They say condoms do the trick. Unfortunately, I’m allergic to latex. And you’re free to use that as a pick up line. The ladies love that kind of honesty up front. Hey, sexy lady, guess what you’ll be saving 2.50 on later… But that does limit the women I can sleep with. They have to either have a recent clean bill of health (and I am willing to wait the two weeks for results if you’re interested) or have absolutely no regard for their own well-being. But I actually insist that those women have test results. In theory.
But gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis are everywhere. I bet at least all of you have one of them. And nobody talks about

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