Monthly Archives: November 2009

What-A-Burger Downgrades From ‘Fancy’ To Regular Ketchup

In an effort to cut cost, the San Antonio based Fast Food Company has
decided to discontinue distribution of ‘Fancy Ketchup’ in all 700 of their restaurants.

A press release sent from the company on Monday stated that ‘by switching to ‘regular’ ketchup the Whataburger Corporation will save over $48.00 per year, and with the economy in its current state Whataburger is looking at several more ways to cut back spending and increase revenue.’ Already some costumers are showing concern over the drastic change. In Whataburger restaurants all over Corpus Christi, patrons are stocking up and even hording the last of the ‘fancy’ ketchup packets. “This is a terrible commentary on the condition of things”, says Joann Summers, Professor of Economics at Del Mar College, and Assistant Manager a Whataburger store #334. “I knew things were bad when I had to get a second job, but now I’m really scared.”

Countless customers have complained to managers, wondering why they have been paying extra for cheese all these years, if it only leads
to cutbacks.

Long-time voice-over actor and Whataburger spokesman described the changes saying, “When you think about it, it’s sorta like when your eight years young, and you come home tuckered out from a long day at school, and
the good ole sheriff is at your house, and tells ya, ‘Son, your daddy done killed your mama this time’, nobody wants to be that kid. Instead, head on over to the nearest Whataburger, and drown your worries away in an ice-cold fountain drink. If that doesn’t work, then order up a pair of fresh, hot apple pies, and stuff em down your good ole fashion g*ddamn fat face. Cause if Whataburger can’t afford to provide us with that fancy ketchup, well then, I say it’s just about time for me to have a good ole fashioned helping of buckshot, served fresh from the barrel of my Remington 12-gauge. Whataburger, just like you [gun shot]”

A new spokesman for the company says that the Famous Mustard will also be substituted with a lesser known mustard, and that more cut backs are sure to come.

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